Dindy's Dilemna!!!!!!!!!1

A place to post and debate the Church of Scientology.
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Post by freebird602 » Thu Apr 10, 2003 3:19 pm

Glad to hear that things are improving for you Dindy.

Take care.

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Post by dindy » Fri Apr 11, 2003 3:49 am

I forgot to mention, the night before that hair raising Monday - my TV dish card fried & when I got to the swimming pool, in the ladies change room they had just had a fire [hair dryer] so had to put it out & usher us all into the "Family change room", we had been asking for repairs for a long time & that is one way to get it.
Today, the big kitten rough playing the little one - killed it & I am so sad - I kept on keeping them apart - mother cat does not seem to care - cats!!! This kitten now misses the other & wants to play w me, but I don't want to play with it.

Today the sun was out & +8* - that's right +8* & the snow is meting & roof edges are like waterfalls, but we had so much ice w the snow that it will take some time to melt. Promised us the temp will just go up & up & winter is gone & everyone seems to have a happier disposition - aint life great - if you can take it

Hans & Freebird thanks for your kind words & support, it has been hard & many a tear shed but the weather change & get fresh air in the house, things are looking us - have to

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Post by dindy » Mon Apr 21, 2003 3:13 am

HAPPY EASTER EVERY ONE - be it Easter bunnies & eggs, or religious or family. It was very interesting to see in Mexico, last year

Life is still being a bitch, weather up in 80 then down & freezing rain then up again; 2 more snakes wanted to visit & last night, up & down nursing a sick kitten & I saw what is jumping on my roof through my sky window & it is bigger then a cat & pointed nose, from what I saw from below side. I put on the light & ran outside shouting & it took off.

Need to go back re the car brakes & got a ticket as they claim [while sitting & hiding, waiting & no other cars but mine] that I did not STOP, but slowed right down & drove on - at a 3 way stop - uh uh - I am fighting it on many ways

Do not know where Lavinia is, after being guaranteed out her home, she came to see me & we ate & she took off. Cant find her at work & they phoned me to ask me where she is - I am worried as I just do not know - this astar is worrying many

Went to my lawyer but he still had not received from my husbands lawyer - wasted time - If I do not have a suitable to me agreement by Tue - I want that court date I have been promised - but when I took the previous lawyer to court for fee assessment - he wanted to talk to me but I told him to please wait & I took out copies of what he did w errors marked in red & time schedule & letters I had written - he wanted to hurry to go to his court hearing - his concern - his attitude was so different, he asked what I wanted to drop the case & I said I felt he should pay me for the damages to me, but what was he willing to offer - he offered ½ the fee back & I said "do I get an apology with that" & he Apology very nicely, so I took it - should have told him to also pay ½ court costs - but I was slow on that. I got him to say he was sorry - wooow

I am fighting 2 "switch & bate" -
A) I was offered a "Pre-qualified" $1000 - up to $100000 mastercard at 1.9% starting & points with use to CAA memberships - but was rejected, so I reported them for "Switch & bate" as "Pre-qualified" means I have it.
B) the add in the paper claimed Beech laminated 15 year guarantee flooring at $1,35 sq ft & that is a great price, so ran in to get it w "sorry - they could not get this order but we can offer you this 7 year guarantee at the same price - I yelled "switch & bate" & reported them - got a 25 year for ½ price of $2.40 sq ft & the under-pad at ½ price & no pay for a year - only could not come up w the full amount of their card - so paid what I could & have to pay the rest -somehow - on layaway - but it is worth it - agree!
Now I need my kids to come at a specified, time to help me bring it in - can use their truck at $19 for 90 min, but it is heavy, so need help unloading & carry in - passed all the piled furnishing to the basement. It is a floating floor so good for dancing - loved them 40 years ago when I met then in Norge [Norway]

The insurance wrote to both my & Larry's lawyer behind my back, offering cash settlement for much less then it will cost to repair it - thank God my lawyer talked to me about it. I wrote a nasty note to them all, including Insurance ombudsman & Insurance bureau, what all needs to be done & whatever costs & that I want the insurance adjuster replaced & my basement fixed to my - the owner of the insurance policy & home & on site, as it was before, regardless of cost, or I will have my layer ask Larry's lawyer [they are friends & he suggested it] take a joint suit out against the insurance - my lawyer is reviewing the letter this weekend & will tell me his thought, before I send it.
This insurance gimic took the wind out of my sail & "NO", Larry not insurance is not going to diddle me, not after all I have gone through here. I hate fighting but will if I have to.

Need agreement & $ from Larry or big fight & insurance, rephoned re blueprint so I can get the building permit & start - the fellow who did the wall is willing to do it all & at the same time but can not hold a time open for me - was to start 1 May, but ,,,,,, Do you know the insurance adjuster told the builder to lower his estimate by $4000 - meanwhile the others were much higher & not including all needed & they are not willing to honour that cost now & too busy -

God damn it - Larry better give me the $$$$ so I pay for this - so I can start - he owes me this & much more & I have proof - tired of his games.

I feel so tired & washed out - weather up/down & stress & situation - I guess. My lawyer said "it is not - will you get from Larry - but how much" - "I say - when?" Can not go on much longer, been to long now. will write my lawyer that I need a date or will come for the filled in form to take to court for a date - myself

The man in charge of the recreation complex often invites me in & we talk about all kinds of things - from his experiences in reincarnation, to his separation from his family [stayed for his kids but felt it was not helping] & going inside himself to find himself & now a better person & better w his kids & able to deal w his x wife's anger. Even his kids say he is much better & they love him so much more now. Brought love & hugs in, instead of anger. [Funny, the life guards have been asking me if I am still married & what is happening]. He is down to earth & treats folk nicely & can talk & listen from inside, looks so nice, this makes me think if there are elderly man as nice as him out there - maybe there are many more in the fishing pond - if I want to go fishing.

My psychic said I would find a man like a pea in a pod to me - named "ED" & we would be great for each other & there for each other enjoying each other w respect & treated well as we control ourselves - so no need to not allow the other to be free to be themselves. Met 1 ED in Mexico - friends made sure we met - probably will be there when I go again - like many other friends [both sexes] I became friends with - but - although nice - not my cup o tea

I was thinking - Larry learned not to trust so talk to people as his mother used what he said as a weapon against him - I guess that is why he finds it so hard to talk to people, especially from within, his feeling, do not think he even allows himself to feel his feeling, not in tuned w himself, not truthful to himself & scared to go inside & look at himself & improve - so sad & so needed, but not CO$ - which does no allow you to come to turns with yourself inside - but brainwashed to their needs. I see such a difference w Jeff [in charge of recreation comp] & Larry. Jeff said it was hard but he knew he had to do it & did & proud of himself that he did. Hay, my X-CO$ friends - am I correct w CO$ not allowing you to freely get in touch w your true feelings inside???

I do not need a man, my freedom is great, but if .... But first I must get my financial security & settlement & what Larry owes me - then my home fixed & sorted, meanwhile picking myself up in every way - feel I let myself down while going through this hell - then on to make my life & doing things I enjoy - free to be me, alone or w friends doing things I enjoy. Just as long as I am treated well as I am not willing to take the Larry hell any more - pity Larry could not control himself & go inside & discover himself & learn to work on that & improve him - he did have some good points

Have to put pressure on the lawyer to get a suitable to me agreement from Larry & now. But I will make it - have to & thanks to you folk, have so far

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Post by dindy » Sun May 11, 2003 10:29 pm

Wow - sorry for being off the net so long, had 3 phone trucks here in 2 days & got the phone working, but no net - then realized the phone was not plugged in.

I have been feeling lousy, not only the weather bouncing about [dull damp, hot to cold & wind thunder storms] but - due to stress from Larry & home environment, both situation & environment, have swollen me up so I do not fit into most clothes, but my mid ear is plugged so balance & headaches & ? blood-pressure, also difficultly breathing, so on an inhalator, also knee troubles & bladder & more - looking forwards to getting this all over & soon.

My lawyer seems pleased with how things are going "not will get, but how much will you get" but I wonder "when". I want to get my home fixed up & water supply & financial security & freedom to be me, not under "Larry power" so badly

2 days ago I was banging the mud off my shoes [we have had so many electrical storms] & a snake fell out looking at me as though to say "how cold you disturb my nice warm bed' this was about snake # 11. Went out & found racoons in the garage playing "peek a boo" as though to say "surely your not wanting us to go out into that weather". But some thing was funny, the kitten knocked over the case I was glueing & carrying it on its back like a tortoise running about as though meowing " the sky has fallen".

Another bit of fun w the lifeguard who was leaving - his swimsuit fell apart & I came up w heart palpitations after seeing this tiny swimsuit on a man swimming, but we all agreed, at least he had the figure to carry it, but it was small & the lifeguard felt he needed to get into shape, so I bought him a tiny thong, bow tie & buttons & all. We did have fun.

I received a nice bunch of flowers & given w love as that is what they wanted, not guilt or cover over something they knew I would be unhappy about - it was so nice to receive, not only flowers, but unconditionally.

My daughter has been here many weekends to help me with the many jobs at home & they are not easy, like digging up the sump run off - through the roots needing to be dug out or cut off. This year they claim will be bad for mosquitoes & concern for "West Nile" & I live in a mosquito area. I phoned the 4 government levels to ask them to come each evening to feed my mosquitoes [they mention concern over the news] We put up a purple martin house w 12 apartments, playing purple martin chirps each morning from 4 to 6 am, we also put up a bat house. I have the noise the male mosquito makes [mosquitos eat pollen, the pregnant ones suck up blood for their pregnancies, so the noise the males make attract the non- pregnant females, but not the blood sucking preggie-ann mosquitoes. Besides "B1" which mosquitoes do not like the breath of, hope we will be fine.

Lavinia was guarenteened out where she lived while her clothes were quarenteened in, meanwhile she worked & stayed at her friends as she had a cold & not good to have in Toronto, but she is fine - now. Her work assignment w UN has been extended & upgraded.
When you go to the dentist or such, you have to sign that you have not been to ---------- [sars countries] or in contact w it or have s+s & wash you hands in special soap

My son phoned to wish me "happy mothers day & can I borrow ---------", Lavinia was here till late last night, but went to clean up, I was also covered in mud & wipes & small container of cold rain water. I have not heard from the other 2. I have done the hard thing off letting go & hope they make it, but have concerns, but will be here if & when they fall.

I am so keen to have my home fixed, get water & my tractor mower replaced [lawn is growing but so wet]but financial security & freedom from Larry & his cos$

Have a great day, I have not been blown away - yet - my purple martin home now has a 45* lean & stuff I cleaned out the shed Larry left in a mess, have gone to visit next door - but we are not nearly as bad as the poor folk south of us, lets pray for them also, along w all hurt by & wanting to leave co$ & those affected from co$.

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Post by dindy » Sun May 11, 2003 10:57 pm


Larry only - NOT MEMBERS OF Church of Scientology CO$ cult. Can Larry, read this without having to share or give it to CO$ or be e-monitored/lie detector, or does Larry's co$ cult have that much control over you????? Is that a benefit to you???

I realize Larry had a rotten example of a mother, which must have been hard & hurt him, but Larry freely chose to follow her example with his attitude, which not only hurt me, but our children & still is hurting us & himself. I hope & pray it will not go another generation. I tried to put a stop to it, although , do not know how successful I was [time alone will tell], but alone & without mate support, but hindrance, it was hard - how successful a mother I was under those circumstances - I do not know, but tried so hard. Bet Larry does not have the guts to even respond to this letter!

I was thinking, Larry learned not to speak to people, as his mother took his communication & used it as a weapon against him, so he never trusted people or willing to talk to them, never mind opened up to people to talk. He found it hard to talk, never mind open up from inside, or his feelings.

Larry learned not to be intermit, emotionally, physically or verbally, not with others or himself & that means he can not be honest to others or himself. I do not think he even talked to himself or acknowledge he had feelings or allowed to feel his inside feelings, or in touch with his own feelings, so not very honest to himself. Only "he" can come to terms with himself & it takes lots of hard open work.
I do not feel Larry is willing to put that amount of hard work in to helping himself. Honestly enjoys it as it is & wants others to do it for him - but that does NOT work. Instead of doing the work himself, Larry looked from help, could not accept it from me, so sought out the wrong place - CO$

I feel very sorry for Larry, my heart weeps for him, but I have to look after myself & protect myself from Larry & CO$ treatment. CO$ benefits no one but its upper crust theaves & must be ebded & is now dieing a painful slow death thanks to x-members

Larry - what went wrong - according to me. Marriages over a distance are very hard to manage - especially if there are cracks in it like attitude differences, but we did have some good glue like things we enjoyed doing together & wanting to honour our commitment, which kept the long distance marriage going a long time, but, besides your attitude, your church was the last strew that broke the marriage.
Now you have your freedom & hope you enjoy it, but I am entitled to my financial support & moneys you owe me - to fix the home & get out of debt - so removing your power of abuse over me financially. As you have proven your self not to be decent that way, which make you much less then you are or could be, also this is not acceptable to me, so forcing me to take that power away from you legally, using what even means must be used - even if at your loss... I can no longer accept power over abuse from you in any form

Larry, we have had a long time together after making promises to each other. 34 years, the first 5 were great [while you were dependant on me as going to collage] the next 5 were fine, but then your attitude started - slow but firm the next 10 years were acceptable to unacceptable [we attended counselling, & you tried to a degree] but the next 10 years were at times OK but other times miserable, but the last several years were hell - deliberately created by you
We could have made a good team & we did have some good times, but there were many hardship, abuse & used [had to work hard labour] & sad times, which I was willing to take towards better times to come. Looking forwards to a good golden years together enjoying time together doing things we enjoyed. With your income [I financially secured for you by supporting you through highschool diploma & 4 years collage at the expense of my many degrees] & my moms many gifts to us [including down-payment towards a home under signed agreement], we should have had a financial secured & comfortable life, like I was brought up with. I slaved so needlessly hard without appreciation. I also had I worked so hard to bring love & kindness & acceptance to our marriage but ..........
We could have made it if we had of done what you wanted & discussed before marriage, lived up to my parental attitude which you so admired - attitude of "self control so making yourself the best "you" you can while "Personal power w respect & consideration & acceptance of others as they are", so allowing the other to be themselves, the best them they can & accept & enjoy each other as they are, while making life the best you can for each other [give & take & allowing freedom to each of us to be ourselves]; but your maternal attitude of control of others instead of self "power over abuse & manipulation & control w no respect" was to deep instilled in you for you to shake, or want to shake badly enough. You said "1 person had to be in charge & control & that was you & why did I make it so hard for you to control me". No anger control but temper tantrums & blame others, usually me. I was told by councilors that only 5% of folk like you not only chose to change, but do the work it takes, the rest enjoy it as it is. I stayed to give you that chance, but you chose to tell me you wanted to change but enjoyed it so did not truly want to, or do as needed to change.
You had to hurt enough to want to, & deep down you enjoyed it so did not want to, meanwhile I hurt so much - & scared for myself & our children - so I went to woman abuse counselling & I learned my blame was allowing it, by accepting it. I was told I was 50% the cause as I allowed it - but only 5% the blame, I was told how to deal with it & NOT be willing to accept it anymore, tell you & clearly say ‘NO' when unacceptable to me attitude towards me - "you treat those you want to impress, better then me, the one you made promises to - or our children - the fruit or your seed - also tell you "If you do not want people to know, do NOT do it as I no longer will keep it a secret - & tell every one.
You were shocked but after thought - agreed - I think tried, or was it pretended to as you tried to get a better grip on me w new methods of control! You took everything from me with your attitude towards me, along w taking everything from me you could, my money, health & career qualifications & time/life, but most of all, my self-respect & worth. This is what YOU did to the one who you promised to love honour & cherish & I will not accept it any more so stop it, & if you do not want people to know, do not do it, as I will tell every body every thing. I expect to receive my freedom to be me, but I expect to not only have financial security from you, but you repay the money you took & fix my home.
Chose, use, abuse, lose - only I refuse - you may have your freedom, but I expect my freedom & finances returned & financial security, by judgment - if need be. Your freedom will cost you , especially what you have taken from me & I deserve. I deserve much better then you gave me & I deserve my financial freedom, not only from all you took from me, but what how you treated me.

Then you joined that controlling brainwashing money grabbing church cult [offering what you were brought up in & most of their members come from unhappy childhoods - like you did] in hopes to help you & that was the end of us. You have not improved, just altered temper tantrums to not having control over your mental attitude, brainwashed stupor, so we can not even talk to you or have any relationship with you - even our kids who try hard to love you, feel they no longer can talk to you or have any relationship with you
I have been in contact with many who were in CO$ for a long time but able to leave & so glad they did, even though hard. "Much better out where I have rights over my life so can live it" CO$ is NOT YOU FRIEND or why would they take so much of your money/time & not be there for your benefits, but put & keep you into this situation w fear & controls - like lie detectors. THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THE CLOSEST DOOR even if your COS friends are left behind & try to stop you - but ARE they your friends, if they do????
My wish for you is you find yourself before you waste to much of your life "Your life - not theirs" so have choice over YOUR LIFE. I know they have OSA [cult secret police to keep you & Like my, in line] I realize if you want to leave, they will try to stop you [so not your friends] but the only way out is to walk to the closest door & do not go back. More have now left CO$ then in it - it has hurt so many people & you are allowing it as your not in control of your mind - as is evident to those who meet you. I know how horrid that feels as that is how I felt when in the mental cloud & delayed actions from Candida & other bowel flora concerns side effects, it is not nice & so much better when you can have your own life & mind. I am telling you this as a caring concerned friend. YOU ARE NO BETTER THEN YOU WERE THEN BEFORE YOU JOINED, ONLY LESS MONEY/ TIME & DOPPIE & CONTROLLED by others.

I believe you loved me as much as you could, but that was not much as you had not learned love from your mom, [love & control do not go together] so took & not give back, so the love-well emptied & I/our kids did not get the unconditional love we so badly wanted & needed, & neither did you. You should have treated me like a precious gift to spoil, rather then treat me like a possession under your feet to wipe your feet on & work & do your bidding, while you treated those you wanted to impress with dignity & integrity
Right now I do not know where your head is - you claimed you wanted us to go to marriage counselling so we could be friends, regardless of what the future held for us, & I said yes, but after you had done as you should have & fixed my home & sign a suitable to me agreement - as how could we when I am forced to live this disgusting lifestyle, how could a man expect his lady to live this way, you should have been responsible for your responsibilities to me. Still power over abuse towards me. I have given you more then enough chances to make correction. If you truly DO want us to have marriage counselling - prove it by signing a suitable agreement & giving the money to fix my home, then counselling w a reputable councilor & maybe just you & I alone at neutral ground, not COS, to Taino together for a week to talk things out to find out the future friendship we may have.
If you live up to your commitment with my home fixed & financial security I am entitled to & pay back what you owe me, then maybe we can talk it out to find our degree of friendship. I will go on w my life but will be there to help you as father of our children - when you see through your church & wiling to treat me as I now demand, a friendship - the degree of friendship depends on where I am in my life.

If you do not sign the suitable to me agreement, or maintain it, you will force me to take further actions, what ever action is needed like writing to IRS asking how much you claimed you tax deducted support of me, was it the $3200m or what I truly received - from when you deserted us, regardless off the kids & my needs.
I will also tell IRS you took a mortgage against my home of $99,000 15 years ago with signed agreement that you would fix my home as required & repay $55,000 + interest, but have not lived up to either, so this became income & had you declared it as income? I will also ask IRS about the auto accident suit & Canada taxes re your inheritance I would rather not do this so hope you will live up to most of what you owe me - don't make me do this - please. Remember you put us/me into debts when you lived off me those many many months of no work. To date I have been very considerate & you played games - but .....

A fast simple reminder,
I financially supported you, while helping you though highschool equivalent & 4 years collage - while giving up my many university/collage degrees to raise our children [& did work extremely hard [in & out of the home] those child rearing years - I was a supper mom - until medically disabled due to stress living under you & medical errors]
My mother gave us the down-payment [ home value] under a signed agreement you have not lived up to - she also gave you many other things [some signed agreement & some not] like a 2 year old blue ½ ton truck for transport to collage.
About 15 years ago you remortgaged my home [although not allowed to under the agreement w my mom] to obtain $99000 [under a signed agreement you have not lived up to] - $44000 to repair, maintain & upgrade our home [per agreement w my mom's note & as needed, but not paid by a new mortgage - this home should have been paid off 20 years ago] but you did not do needed repairs; $55,000 to be repaid with interest - again, you did not live up to this. If all mortgages paid you were to be entitled to 1/3 of maintained upgraded home - you took $55,000 from our home valued at $165000 [most upgrades not done], minus the $99,000 mortgage so home value was 165000 minus 99,000 minus repairs so about $60,000 - you took $55,000 [if no mortgage & that home value you should have been entitled to $20,000 & name off the ownership] so yopu owe $25000 + 15 years interest & name off a home repairs done- you also took $44000 for home repairs so you owe $44000 + 15 years of interest towards home repairs, also home value minus mortgage was $60000, so [although you were note entitled to any, as mortgage not paid in full] you 1/3 share would have been $20000, not $55000 - therefore you owe me $33000 + 15 years of interest & your name off the property entitlement
You also owe the debts you created when off work & living off my/our charge-cards, also, after deserting your family with no $, those many years of non or short ½ your income + child support, entitlement towards our children & my financial support. There is also the $3200US month [excluding 4 payments of $700] since June - that you owe me + interest. You promised to give me $US1000 m extra after dec 2002 - when you would have paid off your personal debts in full. I wonder how a judge who view this after reviewing your true income & where moneys have gone. I am also entitled to 50% your savings

I may still love you but do not like or accept how you have treated me or your attitude towards me or mental incest towards our kids, trying to get them to take sides & hate me - with lies. I do not hate you [as you said you would have to do "& hurt me" if I did not join you in your church] hate is to heavy a burden to carry. I forgive you, not as you deserve it, but I do. I will not forget the lesson you have taught me & honour & respect me as the teacher of what I must learn, sorry you were not able to learn your lesson in life. I will not trust you, I freely gave you that gift others have to prove, but you destroyed it & will either have to earn it or not have trust. I will not allow the power over me any more, you should never have had that right or tried to take it, not if you truly loved me as I wanted. Finances you owe me you will be responsible to repay, by law enforcement or freedom of choice. I wish you freedom, love & understanding, in your future - maybe you can find it with some one else, but doubt it, as doubt if any one will accept the garbage you placed on me. Either you learn what you should of, or be alone for ever, you choice, but regardless, wish you well.
Yes, you do have some good points to work from, but must learn to give from within w love, not control. Openly fully communicate from within & hear, so give what others want, while accepting others as they are. Be responsible for your own actions w honesty & truthful & responsible for your promises & actions towards others. Do not be scared to give the gift of time doing things we enjoy doing together, also financial right, but most of all freedom to others to be themselves w unconditional love & acceptance.
I agree - I also have some concerns, but have been working on my self

Remember the promises you made to me when we got married - did you mean them - again - I will go on w my life but will be there to help you as father of our children - when you see through your church, so leave it 120 % , look at your attitude, especially towards me & wiling to treat me as I now demand, a friendship - the degree of friendship depends on where I am in my life.

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Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2002 2:08 am
Location: Caister Centre [between Hamilton & St Catharines] niagara, Ontario, Canada [but lived in 6 countries
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Post by dindy » Tue May 20, 2003 2:39 pm

The weather has been still rotten, dull & wet, very wet & my home is still upside down & no water, but heat - except they forgot to bring oil & in the coldest part of the coldest May on record - so again no heat

Living under the stress of Canadian winters, especially this one & stress put on me by Larry, both his attitude & results from finances & home situation stress Larry is forcing on me, has caused me my health. I have been feeling lousy, not only the weather bouncing about [dull damp, hot to cold & wind thunder storms] but - due to stress from Larry & home environment, both situation & environment, have swollen me up so I do not fit into most clothes, but my mid ear is plugged so balance & headaches & ? blood-pressure, also difficultly breathing, so on an inhalator, also knee troubles & bladder & more - looking forwards to getting this all over & soon. Feel I can not fit in my skin - pressure

My lawyer seems pleased with how things are going "not will get, but how much will you get" but I wonder "when". I want to get my home fixed up & water supply & financial security & freedom to be me, not under "Larry power" so badly - it has been so long & I am getting sicker & financially broke as I live this hell - is that justice?

I have been having a rough time, for months I have been holding excess fluid - resulting in my mid ear troubles so poor balance & breathing difficulties from weezing & breathless, hard to eat & eating the wrong foods, also pressure on the bladder so I seem to live on the john. so also holding so much that I can hardly fit into any clothes & my knees causing troubles. So stressed out - no energy - just hope I have not brought back the conditions like fungal overgrowth [Candidus] & chronic fatigue & irritable bowel - that I fought so hard to regress.

Although my abdominal muscles have been destroyed, both from Larry's working me unlike a lady, but also resulting operations & the doctor telling me not to lift any thing heavy, I have to pour & carry in heavy water every few days, regardless of the weather & my needs.

I have been swimming almost every other day - both for exercise, but cleanliness as I have no water - but with all this stress, now have had a chlorine itchy rash for several weeks. Wish someone would scratch my itchy back, also a hot tub soak - super sensitive to everything - again

Friday of long weekend - I blooted so much it looked like I was pregnant & so much abdominal & head pressure so headache, that I felt my head would blow, could not breath. Did not feel I would make it through the night & scared to be alone, scared I would have a heart attack or stroke, so, after a phone-call, drove myself to the Hospital emergency & on examining me, my abdominal started sever contractions, so they gave me IM injections of Biscopain & Demeral & gravel & bowel cleanser & many exrays later, I was allowed to leave next morning [was scared the cats had needs & no one to go to tend them, also did not want any one to see my home in the disgusting condition Larry has forced me to live under] I got strict instructions from the Doctor to see my GP Tuesday for the cause [his was bandaid treatment]

Previously, many times over many years, my Dr has told me that although I have fantastic stress handling tools, every one had their limit & worried about mine. I must remove the cause of the stress - the abusive attitude forced on my by Larry [or Larry] & our kids

The next day I slept in & Lavinia came later to sort things in her room, but slept the day away & now out night crawling, but glad she feels this is her home to come to & nice to see her.
Funny, I got a message regarding when would I give Troy is $20 deposit for water bottles [which I will do] - meanwhile he still owes me $1000 + interest [as do his 2 x friends] court judgment.
Kyle was here a few days ago to borrow & help me, which I appreciate [phoned me on mothers day to wish me & ask if he could borrow] - Lavinia was here helping me the day before, the other 2 did nothing, but I still love all my kids & they need a chance to grow & fall & one day they may realize how lucky they were to have me, & want to be part of my life again , meanwhile I will go on with my life & be mother enough to let go.

I feel I have done wonders living under these stresses, but am not invincible & it is effecting me & I need to get my life & health back - hope the sun warm weather will come soon & I can start regaining my health - it will be a hard fight back again, & hope I can make it - again. Also looking forward to the good weather so I can air the home out

I am so longing for this separation agreement case to soon be heard by the judge, as I am sure I will get my entitlement, especially when he hears how I have been treated & what I am owed - so the stress Larry puts on me can be removed & agreement signed & I get $ to fix my home. Pity we have this needless expensive fight to get what I deserve, but if that is what laws & Larry demands, so be it, but at my expense - no justice.

I am keen to get the structural repairs done on my home so I can fix, get water, sort, organize my home to what I want & can live in with joy & happiness in my home, as it should have been & my mother intended, when she bought it for us those 35 years ago, so I can start my future life.

Why is Larry trying so hard to make life so hard on me. Larry claims he wants to get rid of me, yet seems he does not want to let me go or give me what is mine so let me go, or talk about it - he has a lot of growing to do & only he can do that.

I am scared & alone & sometime lonely but free to be me - would be nice to have a nice life companion, but better alone then under another's controls/dictatorship, but I need my financial freedom to start living my future life & am entitled to that, all taken from me.

Sun came out yesterday so lay in it, but my body is too stressed out for it to heal me

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Post by lucretiamacevil » Tue May 20, 2003 4:30 pm

Hi Dindy,

Thanks for the update. I may not be able to write sooner than next weekend.

Meanwhile, I am praying for you every day.


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Post by mustangsally » Wed May 21, 2003 10:24 pm


Wish i could help you, truly i do. I understand the hardships you are facing,
but from so far away all i can say is hang in there. Lucy has my email, if it
would help to just have someone to vent to feel free to drop me a line anytime.

The human spirit is one of our best defenses against impossible odds,
just trust your strength and don't give up.


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Post by dindy » Thu Jun 05, 2003 3:14 am

Thank you Lucy & Mustangsally - thanks for your concern & support


So much has happened, we had so much rain that when you walk on the ground the water squeezes up; I saw a drowned snake, his tail still in his hole & body in the pond above it.

I am in very bad health - 4 time in emergency & 1 Dr visit this week. I look like I am pregnant senior citizen [glad I kept my old maternity clothes & have loose clothes from Mexico to wear] I'm in strong labour contractions. The stress of Larry, the legal situation, the finances & the home mess, upside down & no water & weather bouncing about, hot & cold & I ran out of oil when cold again, so stress with my SAD & weather, then short of food so eating the wrong food, even ate cat-food by mistake [got a label-less tin of fish but on eating it found it was cat food, but tasted OK]
About 9 weeks ago, at swimming for exercise & hygiene, [go 4 times a week] I got a chlorine rash & PH burn, 3 weeks later, again & 3 weeks later, but this time I got another rash & bad bad PH burn, red as a tomato all over where my swim suit was & swollen up, swealed up so hydrocortisone cream & bang, the last strew & bad dose of Candidia & what ever, must have been coming for a long time, but I held it back for a long time, but now have it & what ever else to work through.
These last few month I put on 30 LBS & BP went up 20 points & on the Candida score - over 100 means severe - I am 220 - but I am still alive & looking forwards to enjoying the rest of my life - when I get this under control.
Trying to get an appointment w the Environment Specialist who helped me through these conditions many years ago. I am so exhausted, uncomfy to darn right sore & no energy, to walk a few steps gets me. Troubles breathing & eating & just living on the toilet.
When I go swimming I cover myself w vacaline udder cream & afterwards shampoo & wash w molasses stuff & then cream my abdomen & fungal cream my feet for protections & wash my swim suit in "Clorine gone" for fish tanks & shampoo, or baking powder [if I ever get this painful burn again, I'll pour "milk of magnesia all over me. Every morning I ozinate myself & lots of supplements. Wish I could use a steam detoxifying tent, like the Indian population do

Today my kids came & they brought rain water in for me to flush & said how heavy & hard it is - hell I know as I have had to do it & now so do they know. Also said my home stinks, I know but no water does not help, then they discovered the garbage bins of rain water in the toilet area are stinking as stagnant water, so now to got Chlorine in & hope it does not get me, got my dress, damned if I am & damned if not, fungus, mould will hurt me but so will chlorine. Larry did this to me

Lavinia was stuck on the road getting here so Kyle decided to fix her moped & came running in, mom come & look & he was riding it down the road all excited & yelling, but on the return he went over my lawn & right into the mud & got stuck. Got it going & back for his testing joy ride down the road & came back w Lavinia behind him in her car. Lavinia said she saw this funny apparition driving down the road - a BIG Heavy boy balanced on a little moped [like an elephant on a pea - I guess] then as it came closer she realized it was her brother then realized on her moped & mixed emotions - he is on MY moped - but he must have fixed it so now I can ride it to work - darn I just bought a June month pass on the bus.

I received a "package" from Larry via my lawyer & he wants Larry & his Lawyer & myself & he to meet sometime this week for negotiations - otherwise on to negotiation court & if nothing, on to the big court. In his note there are many interesting statements like I receive a disabled pension but I should be able to obtain employment but simply refuses to apply herself in any manner. Is he in for a shocker. Disability Drs feel I am to disabled to work, but my non medical profession husband knows better & here I have a strong health reaction.

There are many other statements & shockers to cover but do not want to discuss them here & now - the legal meeting will show it all & if there is a justice system, I will get & end this stressful time one way or another, hopefully well. Hope to fix my home & he pays, he want it all but I have good reasons. Wish me luck. I have to keep going till I win, or give in & he will not win at my lose - win win or nothing
Larry claims he wants a restraining order against me for Harassment - we live 20 hour drive from each other & in different countries & no communication - he wants to stop me from the right to e-main friends or communicate on the net - no - freedom of speech & freedom of net - JaJaJa If he does not want people to know - do not do it - or do what he wants people to know

A few weeks ago I felt very low, came to the crossroad, do I end it all - so much easier then this, but if I do, Larry will not win at my loss so he will go also; or do I just get a good will leaving nothing to Larry & rot in bed till nature ends it, or do I fight this hard fight again to survive, hoped to see some kind of light at the end of the rainbow. Went to Value Village & saw a lovely plaque re "Don't quit" & next to it was a lovely owl [my dad always represented an own & said "if you ever see an owl, think of me"] then I saw a mug that said "my lawyer will beat your lawyer any day" so bought & gave it to my lawyer & kept the other 2 & decided I better fight this again, so hear I go - but it is so hard.
Went to the shop & got a Candida buster kit & started it [on the info sheet they have now added "Chlorinated water - before I could not drink tap water for sensitivities & now this from the chlorinated pool] I will have my Doctor try to get me an appointment w the environmental Dr who helped me before - think he is the only one here despite the health care treatment of him - near Toronto so a good distance for me to travel, but sure he will find out all I have & get me through it, another year or so of hell to work through but hope it will be well worth it in the end - my health & my home & my financial security & freedom to be me wintering in Mexico. There must be a big war going on inside me - I can feel it - with what I am doing to fight this [also ozonating myself every day] & what & sunk down to in health.

Larry just e-mailed me re once a year has passed w no action, insurance claim drops & near that time. Before I wrote a letter about this to Insurance ombudsman & bureau & company & broker & adjust stating I want the adjuster to be replaced & time lengthen, but my lawyer asked me not to send it yet but give him time to take action on my behalf. It is so hard to get folk to work on homes as so backed up & [as I told Larry] I need $$$ so Larry is holding it up. Either Larry gives me home repair money & insurance full amount [will cost over $30,000 but insurance adjuster wants us to settle for $14,000] or the insurance repair it as before, regardless of cost - but he is having troubles to get workers so put it on me - or the lawyers successfully deal w it or I send the letter.

There is something I do not want to say - yet, but will - later, meanwhile, still raining & every one, even the radio folk are complaining, rain till Sunday & God knows where he will put it as not place to sink so just sits on the land in ponds & cars splashing walkers. My lawn is knee high

thanks for the support, it is good to know you are out there for me

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Post by villageidiot » Thu Jun 05, 2003 3:49 am

Hang in there dindy. We are all cheering for you.

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Post by lucretiamacevil » Thu Jun 05, 2003 4:47 am

And praying for you every day, Dindy.

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Post by dindy » Sat Jun 07, 2003 6:35 am

Thanks, I need a lot of prayer & support & hope right now. Something has to give & I only hope it is for good

My son phoned to say he would come & help me cut my 2 acres of lawn - knee high now & ground still so wet

I received a lovely poem on the net tonight - hope I am not reading into things as I want

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Post by acacias1 » Fri Jun 20, 2003 10:23 pm

Hi Dindy,
I kind of got used to checking on your progress while I was on the board lately. You haven't been around in weeks. Hope things are going better for you and that Summer is on it's way.
Cheers, Acacias

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Post by dindy » Mon Jun 23, 2003 5:25 am

Thanks acacias & Lucy.

No I am not good, from the stresses I have been under & Canadian winter (I have SAD & this winter was hell) & improper food & got a reaction to chlorine & PH in the pool - 3 rashes & 2 bad burns, my Candidus has come back w revengous reactions. I can not even fit into my old maternity clothes, put in 30 LB of fluid & up 20 point in BP & headaches & candida chart 100 is severe - I was 220, several weeks of 3 visits a week to emergency & 1 to my dr a week. I have now put myself on a candidus cleaning - both bowel & systemic, lots happening inside & so tired & feel like I have been in labour w strong contractions for over 6 weeks - they give me muscle relaxents but scared I may go into respiritory troubles - so mind & does not help. Better things have to come, living on yogurt & supplement & oxonate myself every day, feel a slow improvement but a long way to go.

Today I was very depressed, received a letter from my lawyer - Larry drove the 20 hour drive & was here for the 4 way meeting [he, his lawyer, my lawyer & me] but decided not to come for some reason - so guess we now have to take it to court for the judge to decide on & I have good vibes on that as if any justice & he sees the facts - I will get, I will ask that Larry gets court costs as he caused that.
Went to the bank & realized how much in the hole I now am, don't want to have to borrow more from my sister as she does not have lots & it is not her responsibility to financial keep me, but the one who made promises to me in-front of many when I married him, & then used me. I just do not know how I am going to pay all commitments next month

Insurance is now giving troubles, loose claim as too long - so I wrote to insucance company & insurance ombudsman & burea & business section for insurance & broker for the full value cash settlement or time extention w a new adjuster - gave the reasons & costs. Larry wants me to take the small cash offer they offered him & threatens to sue me for it.

I am so longing to get this dealt w so I can get on w my life, fix my home & live life as it should be. Tired of feeling like this & cry as lot
The other day Kyle was coming to cut my lawn [wanted to see my new mower tractor] but it was raining - many days of heavy rain [sun came out today - yay] he came & helped me w a little something, then decided to take a ride on Lavinia's moped & came back followed by a car. His school friend - farmers son & Kyle used to help them on the farms, they help each other on their farms - one after another, but after all this rain they could not work, the farmers have been hard knocked. Kyle asked him if he would like $50 to help him get water for mom - so I had to go & buy a pump & H2O2 & $100.
They started pumping the water out & while waiting they picked up the fallen wood in the shed so we could put the new tractor mower in - but guess what - it is too big to fit in the door as bigger then the last one. They tried to get the stuck trailer w wood out but no go so I fed them outside & were they hungry, then came the hard work, pulling up all those pipes [the friend fell right on his butt in the mud] & cleaning them & back down the well & then came the rain, cats & dogs & chip monks & they got so wet - so the clothes I had found of Larry's I gave them
A few days later Lavinia came to sort her things & helped me take some stuff in from the garage so now I can at least close the door. Kyle arrived w coffee [4 cream no milk for mom - first time he brought cappuccino & donut but I could not eat them, so the next time coffee double/double & I said I should not drink it but had ½ - so this time I got it this way, along w a beer] Lavinia told him I must not drink beer & he had some comment about me
Lavinia had lots to say about Kyle using her moped, especially on our pothole road, Kyle asked if she wanted him to fix the horn & I said "Please no - I can just picture Lavinia driving down Toronto centre screaming to all to get out the way "coming through - get out the way", Kyle offered to put a bike bell on & I suggested we give her a ref whistle - Lavinia was not impressed. Kyle got the horn going & Lavinia was so excited she rode up & down [first time on it for her] our potholed road shouting with joy & blowing her horn - only she keeps peddling with the motor going!
When she left she locked the front wheel & the back wheel, much to Kyles disgust for when I got stuck in the mud trying to cut lawn, Kyle came out w his girlfriend & wanted to show off on the moped, anyway the girlfriend enjoyed herself trying out my riding lawnmower.

Kyle got me water YAHOO, but it is very muddy & very slow & little - took 20 min to run enough water to have a mud bath & I sat in it for over an hour - hell, many pay lots for mud baths. This is not good enough for the home & not up to code, but I got water till we can fix it & it feels like heaven - no more struggling to bring water in. I will not tell Larry - he does not deserve to know

Came home yesterday to see a lovely deer walking down the road & I was so scared for it & mentally asked it to get off the road [late for deers to be here, maybe he is lost & alone] anyway it came off the road onto my front lawn in-front of me & ate & waited so I had a good look at it - then it walked off, I went to another window to see it, but it was gone but a lovely bunny was sitting there eating. Thanked God & asked for help for my situation & all your prayers are welcome - please

I am so tired, this condition has truly knocked me & I am fighting back w detoxification supplement & there is a big war on inside me - I can feel it. I got so depressed & just sat & cried w the rain - better things have to come. On 2nd I have an appointment w the environment specialist [$400 up front for tests but worth it if he can help me]was w him many many years ago & he did & found out all my sensativities & endocrime imbalances & more &worked with them, took 3 years to fix me to reseccoin - maybe this came at a good time as Larry says there is nothing wrong w me, just will not apply myself to work so live off him [hell I put him through 4 years of collage & gave up my many careers to look after our kids & my mom gave him a 2 year old truck & our home under an agreement he has not lived up to.
Dr Larry is not a dr but 3 dr claimed I am to sick to wrok so on disability! Larry also wants a "Peace bond" against me [I live 20 hours drive away & in another country & he deserted w no forwarding adress - he wants me not allowed on the net!!! [his weak spot] but freedom of speach & net & I have many police reports agains his abuse & threats to me & my Dr care after him - just try it Larry -Hahahaha

3rd help to get my income taxes done & later w the lawyer & I am going to put pressure on him to get this done & now. Lavinia will come w as I appointed her trustee of the inheretance my mom left them in the home [according to agreement Larry signed] & Larry has stolen when he steals from me. Want her in court w us represent my kids & their inheretance

I am still feeding mosquitoes - any volunteers to help me - please Still can not cut all the lawn, o should I say "hay"

Thanks for being there for me & pray for me please - I feel God listens & this has to be to get all I want

take care The pregnant looking old lady

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Post by freeborn » Mon Jun 23, 2003 3:05 pm

I've heard that Vick's Vaporub smeared on your skin tricks mosquitoes into thinking YOU are not there, so they leave you alone.

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